And 12 midgets. 12 spinning midgets.
That was as great as I imagined it would be.
You look beautiful.
And pensive.
No, not pensive.
Just confused.
Women after lovemaking, it's always so complicated.
Hey, I love your aftershave. What is it? It's Yardley.
I first used it when I was 16 and never changed. I'm a very loyal soul.
Come here. Do you have to put them on?
Well, they're quite sexy. God, what makes you smell so sweet?
Oh, you like it?
Just some fragrance.
Right.
Where are you going? I have an idea.
I think it's time to celebrate with some champagne.
I want you to stay. I make a mean scrambled egg.
Stay.
That's my mother.
Oh, she's very attractive.
Yes, she was very beautiful, but quite difficult.
Difficult? How?
Unfaithful.
Say, can you please stay? Nothing would please me more. Come on.
I really can't. Oh, why not?
My father. He's feeling not that great.
Nothing serious? No, no, nothing.
Just a tooth problem.
You know, a little sensitivity in lower seven.
I really should go.
Oh. So, let me get back to the story.
I'm on stage. I'm doing the dematerializer trick
with this chick from Manchester.
I don't know where they get these people,
but she looked like Sitting Bull.
And I got her in the thing, and I vanish her
and everything goes according to plan exactly and she's gone.
And suddenly, Strombel appears. What?
Yes, Strombel's in there! I got a tremendous hand from the audience.
I wish I could do it every night!
What did he say?
He gave me the combination to a safe.
What safe, I have no idea.
I didn't see any safe.
Well, did you accomplish anything besides maybe a possible pregnancy?
I'll tell you what I did see.
His mother, Lady Eleanor, has short-cut, brunette hair.
Yeah, but not a hooker?
No, Sidney, she's not a hooker!
I hardly think so. She's practically royalty.
Christ, you amaze me sometimes. Your brain!
Back off. You know, you're getting so upset.
I'm just trying to figure out the various ramifications.
I just don't like this whole thing!
I feel disgusting, all right, it's awful.
I don't like the whole process.
Yeah, you want to think he's innocent.
What's so bad about that, huh?
Jesus, this guy must be some lover, you know.
I mean, all of a sudden you're ready to dump the whole story.
I must find out what breakfast cereal he eats.
What am I talking about? There's a combination on the door
where he keeps his precious musical instruments.
Okay, so there is a combination!
I just got to get in that room.
Do you have the combination?
We're not gonna break into his room if that's what you're thinking.
You gotta have the com... I got to get in there. No, no.
No, no, we're not going to do this because it's not legal... You...
Sondra, what's wrong with you?
This guy is the son of a Lord!
They'll take us to the Tower of London and behead us!
Hi. Guess what?
What? Peter Lyman sent you flowers.
I assume your name is Jade Spence?
Naturally I accepted for you.
Yeah, I'm Jade Spence.
What is going on? Oh, Vivian...
Oh,
Peter's giving a party on Saturday and he wants me to come.
I... Oh, I guess I'll have to buy a dress.
Well, he certainly seems smitten with you.
If he's smitten with anyone, it's Jade Spence.
Who is Jade Spence?
A would-be investigative reporter
who's falling in love with the object of her investigation.
Of course we did. Absolutely.
God bless you, sir. I'm going to show you a little thing.
I want you to think of a card. Just think of one of those cards.
Any one you want. You got it?
All right, now, are you happening to be thinking of the seven of spades?
That's amazing! How do you do that? Just a little hobby of mine.
You know, I wish I had more time to practice,
but, what with my oil wells, you know, I never get around to it.
Your daughter's very beautiful.
You met my daughter? Yes.
Yes, we're very proud of her. She's a lovely girl. Overcame a great handicap.
Yeah. You know, she was learning disabled.
Her mother and I took her to many specialists, you know.
Now she's practically normal, you know.
She's a charmer.
God bless you, sweetheart. What is your sign? I'm an Aquarian.
You're Aquarian? And what is your persuasion?
Do you mean my religion? Yeah, your persuasion.
I'm a Christian. What are you? Yes, are you?
Me, I was born into the Hebrew persuasion,
but, when I got older, I converted to narcissism.
Dad? Hmm?
Dad, I need to talk to you right now.
Oh, I was just about to pull some quarters out of Mrs. Quincy's nose.
Right now. I need to talk to you.
Really? Yep.
Excuse me. I'll...
Where?
Would you stop doing those nitwit tricks?
What is wrong with you? You're supposed to be a dignified businessman.
I told them it was a hobby. The hobby of a rich merchant.
You know, so...
Oh, excuse me. Excuse me.
Go down the stairs, open the music room door. I'll keep Peter busy.
I'll meet you down there in a minute. You brought the combination, right?
No, I left it in my other jacket.
What? Yes. And...
So, what are we gonna do? You gotta go home and get it then.
I can't get it because the other jacket's in the cleaners.
Sidney. This is the problem having a limited wardrobe.
But not to worry.
I have a mnemonic system. I remember everything.
There you are. Mr. Spence, trust you're having a good time?
Yes, a great time! This reminds me of our party.
We threw a masked ball in Palm Beach this year, it was wonderful.
I came as a harlequin. She dressed as Petunia Pig.
Honey, there's something I wanted to ask you about. Absolutely.
That was a mask, wasn't it? Just... I love her. Just a minute, okay?
Do you need a drink, Mr. Spence? No, I'm fine, thank you.
It's eight
blue horses. No, no, no.
It's 10. Ten spinning midgets.
No, it's 12. Twelve jet planes and eight... No.
Good to see you. Have a nice time. Nice to meet you.
Calm down, calm down. It was... It was...
It was...
Eight maids a-milking
and three French hens.
No, no.
Sixteen, wait, 20 jet planes,
12 spinning midgets.
Eureka!
I'll be right back. I'm just gonna use the bathroom.
Sidney?
Sidney, is that you?
I'm locked in! Oh, Christ... What's the combination?
For some reason, it's gone out of my mind.
Did you see Miss Spence?
I thought I saw her going downstairs. Downstairs, right.
It's 16 blue horses.
It's 21 jet planes.
And 12 midgets.
Twelve spinning midgets.
Oh, thank God!
I thought I was gonna turn out to be one of those skeletons
people find when they sell the house. Check the door.
Sixteen, 21, 12. You couldn't remember that number?
My mnemonic system failed me. What do you want me to say?
Now exactly what are we looking for in here? This is all...
I'm not really sure.
You're not sure?
Well, you know, don't break anything.
By God, we'll get caught and God knows.
Hey, you know the old dirty joke
about how the French horn player sleeps with his wife at night?
Sidney, put that thing down!
Will you excuse me?
There's nothing but musical instruments in here.
I'm telling you, we're on a wild goose chase. Believe me.
Jade? What's the matter?
Did you hear that?
I thought I heard something. Oh, come on, come on. Let's get out of here.
All we need is to get caught in here.
Jade?
Ah, there you are. I was searching for you.
The guests will be leaving soon.
Yes, well, I was just showing Father around. He loves English homes.
Yes, I was very impressed with your cellar.
I have a wonderful cellar myself.
No wine, but it's rodent free.
Well, let's get a drink.
Please, Mr. Spence, I haven't seen you with a drink all night.
Can you stay the night, please? What?
Come on. No, I can't.
Why not? My father.
Oh, come on, I'll have my driver take him home.
No. I can't let you go. You're too beautiful.
Look at you. I can't.
Jade?
Oh. Jade.
Jade, it's 4:00 a.m.
What are you doing?
I couldn't sleep,
so I thought maybe some milk.
Hmm.
Jade, can I ask you something? Mmm-hmm.
Would you consider not going home at the end of the summer?
I don't understand, what more proof do you need?
What are you gonna tell the police?
The guy owns a deck of Tarot cards. That's not a crime.
I mean, what, he was late for a poker game?
I'm sure he's smart enough to have an alibi.
What are we left with? His mother has short-cut, brunette hair.
I mean, look, if we blow the whistle on this guy...
I know. I understand. ...and he's innocent and we can't make the story...
Then he realizes that you're, you know,
you're a pushy little phony who's been playing him for a sucker
and he dumps you, you know. I get it.
All right. All I'm saying, is that in order to make an accusation,
we gotta have proof.
Especially about Lord Lyman's son.
You don't make an accusation.
We can phone in an anonymous tip.
You know how many crank tips the papers say the police get?
You're gonna phone one in on Peter Lyman!
They'll hang up on you mid-sentence.
Besides, if the story's true,
I want to be the one to break it.
You know what Joe Strombel said?
He said, "Get it first, but first get it right."
Happy birthday.
Wow, thank you.
What's up? You look so sullen.
No, I'm not. I just...
I get sad around birthdays.
Oh, yes, well, I can understand that,
but I think we're both still young enough to enjoy the gifts.
Come on, open it.
Okay.
Oh, wow, it's beautiful.
You like it? I love it.
Good. Here, allow me.
Gosh.
You shouldn't have.
I wanted to.
Hey, hey, are you crying? No, I'm too tough to cry.
Oh.
Though my nasal passages do become congested when I'm sad.
Oh, don't be sad. It's your birthday. Hmm?
Oh, I wish I could celebrate with you tonight.
I just have to go out of town for a few days.
Really?
Yes, I just have some business to take care of.
But we'll celebrate when I get back, all right? Okay.
Thank you so much for the present. It's beautiful.
I'll think about you whenever I wear it.
You didn't tell me it was your birthday!
I'll take you for a magnificent dinner.
We'll go to a great restaurant. Really?
Do you enjoy the McNuggets thing?
What about Indian food? Do you like spicy food?
No, no, it's okay.
I don't really have much of an appetite.
But you will when they bring out the prawns in hydrochloric acid.
It's fantastic, Sondra.
What's the matter?
What, are you thinking of Peter? No.
I don't know, it's just...
I wouldn't be surprised if he asked me to marry him one day, you know?
You come from an Orthodox family.
Would they accept a serial killer?
That's an expensive present.
The Lymans are so wealthy. Yes.
It was almost too extravagant.
I'd better get ready. I still haven't found my millionaire yet.
Oh, God, Sondra, what a mess!
It's starting to add up against him.
Bits and scraps are coming together.
God, it's you!
I sensed you were falling in love. I escaped again.
It's just circumstantial junk, you know. A coincidence here and there.
Too much smoke not to be fire.
Look, I'm sure you've been wrong plenty of times.
Not wrong here.
Though I agree you haven't got enough to pull the trigger yet.
If you act prematurely, not only does he walk,
your professional credibility is wrecked, sometimes for good.
Oh, I'm sure you want him to be guilty.
You know, that way you get your last big scoop.
I'm beginning to fade.
Sondra, don't let me down!
I wish you'd fade for good!
Get out of my life!
I'm not cut out for this.
I should be flossing molars for a living.
The bread is... You know, I can make a meal just with the bread.
I can do a whole meal, just nothing but bread.
If I ate that much bread, I'd be 20 pounds heavier.
See, I never gain an ounce,
because, you know, my anxiety acts like aerobics.
So I get the exercise.
Thanks for taking me out for my birthday, Sidney.
Well, you know, you're the daughter that I never had.
Oh, that's so... No, no, I'm kidding. I'm kidding.
'Cause I never wanted to have kids.
I didn't. Because you have kids, what is it?
You know, you're nice to them, you bring them up, you suffer,
you take care of them
and then they grow up and they accuse you of having Alzheimer's.
Could you ever live in London?
Could I live in London? No.
And I love London. Don't get me wrong, I love London,
but, you know,
apart from the language problem, I can't take the driving.
Because it, you know, it's on the wrong side, and I...
Every time I drive a car here,
I'm convinced I'm going to die in a crash.
Sidney!
What's the matter?
It's Peter.
You said Peter was out of town.
Well, that's what he told me.
Come on.
What do you mean, come on?
I ordered prawns.
Just pay, all right? Just pay.
What do you mean, pay? All I do is...
Fine, it's her birthday.
Come on.
Maybe he's got another woman on the side,
and he likes you, but he's sexually attracted to her.
Thanks, Sidney.
Well, why doesn't he have his chauffeur?
I don't know, whatever he's doing, he must want it to be secret.
Oh, I told you he went the other way!
Can we go home, please?
It's starting to rain.
I can't believe he lied to me.
Maybe he's doing something that he's ashamed to tell you about.
Maybe he belongs to one of those clubs, or he's a cross-dresser or something.
Or maybe he does folk dancing.
Oh, I'm sure it's probably something that when he tells me,
I'll just feel foolish for thinking he lied.
I'm sure. You know, not everything in this world is sinister.
You know, just practically everything.
That Indian food made me sick.
You hardly touched your cobra salad. How can you be sick?
Help!
A woman's been strangled!
Help! A woman's been strangled! Help, call the police!
Somebody call the police! There's been a murder!
There's been a murder upstairs.
Help!
Have you got a phone? Have you got a phone? Call the police.
Could it be the Tarot Killer? They found a Tarot card. It's him.
I can't believe it! She lives in this building.
It's him again. They found the Tarot card.
Elizabeth Gibson, another short-haired brunette.
We should have gone to the police earlier.
Well, you know... You said that they wouldn't believe us
and they may not.
Sidney, it's about time we show my story to a real newspaperman.
By real, you mean what?
One that's living.
Vivian's father has a friend that works at The Observer.
Well, it's very vivid and rather shocking,
and there are some genuine circumstantial bits of evidence.
But let me give you a lesson in professional journalism.
No newspaper should or would ever run this story.
What? Why?
It would be fatally irresponsible and libelous.
All you have here are a number of titillating speculations.
Flamboyant theories that tarnish a man, and a well-known figure at that,
without a single shred of substantial proof.
So his mother was a short-haired brunette.
So he came late for a poker game
and said he was going away on a business trip and he got caught lying.
Yes, but who keeps a Tarot deck under a French horn?
It's not against the law to own a Tarot deck, or keep it wherever you like.
You'd look pretty foolish in court with your accusations,
and that's where you'll wind up.
Because he'd have no choice but to sue you and the newspaper,
and he'd win.
And to go to the police?
I'll come to that.
But first let me continue my tedious professorial lecture.
Vivian's dad and I go way back.
He said you were a journalism student.
Hmm.
You talk about getting a tip.
Okay, you won't disclose your source,
but what you have done is let your imagination run wild.
No, no.
What if I told you that my source happened to be a certain Joe Strombel?
The late Joe Strombel? Yep.
You mean, before he died he gave a student reporter
a major story and didn't follow it up himself?
We didn't say it was before he died.
What? No, it...
He got the story before he died,
and then he died before he could follow it up.
Well, why did he give it to you? He didn't know he was dying.
I don't buy it.
I knew Joe Strombel well.
If he'd had a tip that he considered reliable,
he would certainly have pursued it himself,
from the grave, if necessary.
What about how Peter was in the neighborhood
the night the murder was committed?
I realize as a student how exciting it must have been
to think that you were onto something so spectacular.
Hey, she is onto something!
This kid is a bloodhound. Look at her!
She could sell the story to any tabloid in town.
Hmm.
Now that I've preached on the realities of accurate reporting,
I want to tell you how catastrophic for everybody involved
it would have been if you had, say, taken
the results of your investigation to a tabloid.
Today, the police have apprehended the Tarot Card Serial Killer.
And it most assuredly is not Peter Lyman.
What?
Every paper in town is going to press with it as we speak.
It was a handyman named Henry Banks who has confessed.
Banks is a delusional paranoid who's given Scotland Yard
information that only the killer could possibly know.
He's led the police to two additional bodies
and his DNA and a fingerprint they found check out.
I know this puts a crimp in your scoop,
but Henry Banks is the Tarot Card Serial Killer.
Not Lord Lyman's son.
Well, I can't say I'm not walking on air.
Oh, Jesus, If I ever catch that Joe Strombel, I'll kill him.
I only hope Peter forgives me for what I've done.
For what?
I lied to him. I'm not Jade Spence.
I'm a pushy, duplicitous, ambitious college student.
I lied to him, over and over.
Darling, he lied to you, too, so it's even.
His lies pale in comparison to the enormity of what I've done.
So marry him as Jade Spence. Don't tell him.
You know, you don't have to be Sondra Pransky ever again.
Marry him as Jade Spence.
Yeah, but I don't want to have to get you a Father's Day gift every year.
You know, I don't know how to break this to you, honey, but you were adopted. Okay?
Your mother and I, we were at the orphanage,
we wanted a handicapped child, and...
Ah, finally. Just you and I all weekend.
Yeah.
I thought you'd like it here.
It's lovely. Mmm-hmm.
Peter? Yes.
I have a confession to make. Oh, God, so do I.
Oh, well, let me go first.
Actually, no, let me, please,
because mine's been bothering me all day.
I just want to get it off my chest.
When I told you I was going away for a few days on business,
I was lying.
I know. You know? How?
Oh, I saw you. You saw me? No.
I was at dinner, and... With your father?
Actually... Well, anyway, it doesn't matter. Really.
The truth is, that a company my father owns
is about to merge with a company in the Middle East.
It's a very sensitive situation,
and the less anyone knows about it, the better.
And we just didn't want the press to sniff it out.
I mean, that's no excuse, really.
I'm just very sorry for the extreme secrecy.
No, no, no, it's fine. I'm glad.
It's your own secret information. That's fine.
So your father took you out for a birthday dinner
and you saw me. I mean, how unnerving.
God, I mean, the thing I hate most in the world is lying.
Uh-huh.
What?
Peter... Yes, Jade?
Peter...
Oh, yes. What did you want to tell me?
Uh...
Jade, there's nothing you can tell me that...
My name is not Jade Spence.
It's not?
No. It's Sondra Pransky.
And my father is not my father. His name is Sidney Waterman.
He's a magician called Splendini.
I'm a journalism student.
Don't ask me what kind of crazy misinformation we received
to believe you might be the Tarot Card Killer.
I mean, I didn't know you at this time. Remember?
And, of course, as soon as I got to know you,
I knew that it couldn't possibly be true.
And the police have him now, so everything's fine.
Of course, along the route I fell for you,
and now I totally blew it, and...
Who told you this?
Oh, a newspaperman. He's now deceased.
Very foolish. He was eager for his last scoop.
Oh, I'm so sorry. I just
totally understand if you never want to speak to me again
or if you don't want to see me... Miss Pransky.
Not only am I not angry with you, but you...
You've absolutely made my day! What?
Just suspecting that I could be such an imaginative,
dramatic fiend. I love it.
You do? Yes.
I think it's one of the funniest, craziest things I've ever heard in my life.
I can't wait to tell the chaps at the club.
Peter?
Yes, darling.
I have to ask you something. Yes, anything. Absolutely.
Why did you hide that Tarot deck in your music room?
How do you know about that?
I was so paranoid. I... It's crazy.
But I snuck in. Oh, dear, it was going to be a surprise.
I bought them for you. They're Victorian Tarot cards.
You told me you were into that kind of thing.
What? Oh... It was gonna be a gift for you.
Oh, you're so... I feel like such an idiot!
Darling, no, no, no, never mind, never mind. What a shame.
Let's forget about it. No...
Huh? Let's just...
Now that we've confessed our sins, let's move on with our lives, huh?
Really? Yeah. I want to hear all about the real you.
And I assure you in advance, I'll love it.
Oh, God,
you snuck into my music room, did you?
So the reason why he was skulking around,
was 'cause he had this private family business
which is too delicate to discuss, actually.
Sorry, I don't buy it.
What? The man is a liar and a murderer.
And I say that with all due respect.
Sidney. Child, I know what I'm talking about.
Don't call me that, all right?
Do you remember when we were out on the estate,
I found a clue, you thought I was nuts?
I thought you were nuts so many times I can't recall the exact one.
Do you remember this? Do you remember this little item? This clue?
Yes, Betty G. Yes, Betty G.
Now, I checked all the girls that were murdered.
The one that was killed the night we saw Peter on the street, was named
Elizabeth Gibson.
So?
So Betty is short for Elizabeth a lot of times.
Oh, come on, Sidney. That's a real stretch. You're reaching now.
Look, supposing you wanted to rub somebody out and not get caught.
Nobody wants to get caught, Sidney.
Look,
he wants to get rid of Elizabeth Gibson. Betty Gibson. Betty Gibson.
So, there's a series of murders
with a guy that's got a real style. A Tarot card.
They said he was a total maniac.
He buys a Tarot deck and let's say he hides it.
Hypothetically, he hides it, let's say, in a music room.
Let's say he hides it in, let's say, a French horn. Oh, Sidney.
In a French horn! I'm losing patience with you.
I'm not saying the guy did all the murders.
I'm saying that he just did Elizabeth Gibson,
then folded it into the series of the Tarot Killer so he wouldn't get caught.
Henry Banks confessed to all the murders.
Henry Banks is deranged! He hallucinates!
My God.
Henry... And you know those guys like to brag when they get caught.
Henry Banks, you know...
Where are you going? The cops will dump every unsolved murder on Henry Banks.
They haven't caught anybody in years.
Peter wouldn't hurt a fly. Oh, really?
What about a fly who speaks?
What? Yes.
Why would Peter kill a prostitute?
Because it looks terrible on his resume.
Who knows what kind of sordid life this guy has?
Have you completely lost your mind? What is wrong with you?
Peter being blackmailed by a prostitute? It's ridiculous.
What are you putting in your Metamucil?
You know... Where are you going?
You don't understand! It would kill his reputation!
Oh, can you bring the water out?
Can I say one thing? Can I just tell you one thing?
Joe Strombel would not agree with you.
I don't want to talk about Joe Strombel, all right?
Even a great reporter can be wrong.
But he's not wrong.
Blackmail. I see it all over.
You are a cynical crapehanger
who always sees the glass half-empty!
No, you're wrong. I see the glass half-full, but of poison.
And you're gonna wind up drinking it!
You don't know anything. You don't have a reporter's instincts, okay?
You're some guy who vanishes silk handkerchiefs
and cuts people's neckties off.
Do everybody a favor. Go back to your card tricks, all right?
Did you tell her?
I did. I told her.
And I made it seem as though it all suddenly just came to me.
I know I'm right.
She just won't listen to me. She hates me.
Yeah. I... You know,
sometimes, I got to say, I worry about that girl.
I don't think I'll be seeing you anymore.
Well, if there's a scoop to be had here,
she's going to get it for you.
You can only cheat death so many times,
and I've used every trick I know.
You look after her. She's a decent kid.
And check his Tarot deck. See if a card's missing.
I'm a reporter.
I'm doing a story on Elizabeth Gibson, and I know she lived here.
I didn't know her. I hardly ever saw her come and go. She was quiet.
All right.
I knew what she did for a living.
But whether she used to entertain her clients here, or not, I couldn't say.
Oh, excuse me. I'm a reporter.
And I'm doing a story
about Elizabeth Gibson.
If there's any comments, anything you know about her that I...
What paper? What paper are you from? The Washington Post.
I'm one of the top reporters on the...
Did you see All the President's Men? I was the short guy.
Why is an American paper interested in this?
No, no, we are, we are. We're doing a big story.
The Travel and Leisure section is doing a big spread
on places to avoid like the plague.
And so, I'm...
I'll make it very worth your while, you know and...
All right, all right, all right. I knew Betty Gibson.
Mmm-hmm, and she was very tough.
But I don't think that she deserved to die.
Did you say Betty Gibson?
Everyone called her Betty. That was her name.
Really? And did you know any of her clients at all?
I mean, she knew millions of men, didn't she? She was very sexy.
You know. Not that you'd know that from those pictures.
She used to be a really pretty baby-faced blonde.
You know, the sort men go nuts for.
A blonde? But in the paper... The pictures in the paper...
Oh, no, I know, I know.
She made the mistake of cutting it off and dyeing it black.
God knows why.
Maybe it's to please one of her regulars.
She had steady clients?
Well, yeah, one for sure.
Look, these guys never use their real names, okay?
But there was this one rich kid that she saw a lot.
And his name was Peter.
Peter what?
Peter... Peter Yardley. Peter Yardley?
Yardley. Yardley.
Hello? Hello, this is Mr. Spence.
Sid. Sid Waterman Spence.
This is Sid Waterman Spence. Where have I called?
Oh, hello, Sidney. It's Peter Lyman.
Sondra and I are spending the weekend at my father's country house.
You could have come.
That's okay. She gave me this number to call. May I speak with her?
Yes, one second.
Hi, Sidney.
Listen, I got a treasure trove of information here.
I just was snooping with...
On Elizabeth Gibson.
She's called Betty. Betty! She's called Betty.
And she had some kind of a long relationship...
A special relationship with some young guy, Peter.
The last name doesn't click, but I'm sure it's the same.
This is crazy.
Look, stop making trouble, Sidney. The case is closed.
Listen, this thing adds up.
You're alone up there with a very, very dangerous man.
That's two verys.
You got to get back to town right away.
Sidney, if I thought there was a shred of proof,
I would never let my personal feelings get involved, all right?
The truth is, I'm crazy about the guy.
I can't keep obsessing over tantalizing conspiracy theories.
You know, I'm sure that he killed her
and made it look like a Tarot killing.
You know, you don't see it because you got stars in your eyes.
Look, I don't... This is crazy! I don't want to talk about this anymore.
It's too upsetting for me, all right?
Let me have my nice weekend.
I'll talk to you when I get back.
Stop putting these paranoid thoughts in my head!
Is Sidney okay? Yes, yes.
You know, I love Sidney, I really do,
but he's just... He's got a part missing, you know, he's crazy!
Yes, really? Mmm-hmm.
Like what?
We'll talk about it later.
Let me change, okay? Mmm-Hmm.
Yes? Oh, yes, sir.
Yes. My daughter is in the country with Mr. Lyman.
And I'm gonna be driving up there later and she asked me
if I could pick up her red cashmere sweater. She thinks she left it upstairs.
Red cashmere?
Yes, it's a red sweater. It's a kind of a red, tomato red,
like a fire engine. A red. A rouge.
I understand, sir. Red. Yes, yes.
I'll see if I can find it.
Sir?
Oh, I was just checking out the Stradivarius.
I play a few pieces myself on the violin. Prokofiev and Bartok, the Hot Canary...
But Mr. Lyman is the only person to have the combination to that room.
Yes, but he wanted to share it with me because, you know,
in case something happened,
you know, life is very capricious.
A stroke, a sudden embolism or lightning... You know I...
Darling, I love you. I mean that sincerely.
You're a wonderful woman, you're a tremendous servant and a credit to your race.
And I mean that. From the bottom of my heart I say that to you.
I notice you didn't get the red sweater.
She probably left it in another bedroom.
You know, she's got a little problem with promiscuity.
But...
So, I'll be going. I'll call you. We'll have lunch.
Mr. Lyman, sir, Mr. Spence has been here and he's been into the music room.
What do you mean?
A most unusual sequence of events.
Mr. Spence came by looking for his daughter's sweater.
Said she'd requested it.
Next thing I knew, he was in the music room.
Sir, I think he'd been drinking, from his behavior.
Yes, yes.
Yes. Okay, Margaret, thank you. Goodbye.
Is everything okay?
Yes. Yes, it will be.
It's so nice to be out here with you, just away
from the rest of the world and... Hmm.
Yes, I often come out here to read and, well, and fish.
There's trout in the lake.
What are you thinking about?
You really want to know? Yes.
Just how ironic life is, and tragic.
Why?
Well, that I met you by rescuing you from drowning
and found you totally enchanting
and now we've come full cycle and, alas, you're going to have to drown.
What?
Oh, I imagine by now Sidney's confirmed that I killed Betty Gibson.
I mean, in my own defense, there really was no other way out.
At first I managed to hide my identity from her,
but I saw her too many times over the years
and she learned who I was, and...
Well, it became a constant demand for money
and I just could not let that go on, could I?
I mean, my whole life and career
would be just hostage to her moods at all times.
So, I studied the Tarot case,
I rehearsed my plan, and, well, you know the rest.
If you do something to me, Sidney's gonna find out!
He'll tell someone.
No, no, no. You see, you will go in a boating accident,
and Sidney will go later tonight.
No one knows of your relationship with him,
because, after all, you're not actually father and daughter, are you?
And no one will think twice to investigate the death of some obscure vaud...
Are you listening?
No one will think twice to investigate the death
of some obscure vaudevillian called Splendini, who is really a stranger to me.
Help!
Help! Someone help me!
Yes, very quiet, isn't it?
This is the advantage of a private lake.
Get off me! Get off me!
Come...
Yes, police.
Yes, this is Peter Lyman. I need the police immediately.
At the Lyman estate.
There's been a terrible boating accident. A woman has drowned.
It's awful. Please come right away.
Thank you. Thank you.
They think they know where the body is.
I'm so sorry, sir.
When last I saw her, she...
She just said she wanted to go out there to communicate with nature.
Just to think she wanted some peace and quiet and...
She wasn't depressed, or anything like that, was she, sir?
God, no. No.
I mean, unless she was keeping it from me.
You heard no cries for help?
No! No, I was listening to music in here, damn it.
It's just so ironic.
Because the way I first met her
I rescued her from drowning in our club pool.
And she was a very, very weak swimmer.
Hello?
I was faking it at the pool to get your attention.
Actually, I used to be captain of the Brooklyn Community Swim Team.
Fascinating observation.
Lyman lost a cufflink at the flat of a prostitute,
who was later killed by the Tarot Card Killer.
Well, this upright chap certainly enjoyed patronizing some dodgy women.
Unfortunately for Elizabeth Gibson, she elected to blackmail him.
It's a beautifully written story
and one of the best bits of investigative journalism in a long time.
And this paper is proud to run it.
Oh, I have to share the credit with Joe Strombel.
An inspiration,
who taught me more than I could ever explain to anyone.
And to the late Sidney Waterman.
Splendini.
A nice guy who helped out with the investigation
and without whom I never could have made it.
Sidney, wherever you are,
I'll never forget you.
How did you get here?
Me?
I couldn't get used to driving on the goddamn wrong side of the street!
You know, I was driving up to the country,
and in the United States, I would have been a hero. I would have saved her.
I would have...
But here, you know... That's the one drawback of living in London.
Granted, the theater's better, there's many good Indian restaurants.
Well, what did you do?
What do I do? I'm Splendini. Magician.
Would you like to see something? Oh, yes, please.
Do we have time for a card trick? Yes.
I believe we have eternity.
I'm going to show you a little trick now.
I just want to say from the bottom of my heart, I mean this sincerely...
I say this with all due respect.
You are a wonderful group and a fantastic group of people.
I love you and I feel that coming back from you.
And you may be deceased, but you should not be discouraged.
Because, you know...
Don't think of being dead as a handicap.
You know, when I was a child, I stuttered.
But with stick-to-it-iveness and perseverance,
you know, you can never tell what could happen.
Now, I want you to take a card, Alma.
Go ahead, take any card you want.
Just pick it. Pick it. Go ahead, sweetheart.
I love you, sweetheart. That's fantastic.
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